I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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