I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
