Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
