Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
