Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
