When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
