Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
