Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
A+ Viking dick
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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