Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
