I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
