Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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