Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
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the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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