I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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