i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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