a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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