We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
