ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
