I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
