What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
