my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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