You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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