If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
