My entire life is one complicated drinking game
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
