why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.