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you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
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