the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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