If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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