And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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