Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
