"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
