so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
