I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
