You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
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Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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