She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
