im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
