and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
