I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
