her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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