when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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