We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
