Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
