so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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