he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
