YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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