You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
50% drunk capacity currently
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
