She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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