her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Everyone says I win the strip club
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
