Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
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Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
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Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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