happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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