My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
