try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
