i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
