That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
