and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
