would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
