Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
