Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Randomize
