Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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