My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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