A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
