went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
