you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Randomize
