worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
