Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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