my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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