I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
