i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
