dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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