you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
