Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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