i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
