I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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