this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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