No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
