I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
