So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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