Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
