i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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