I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
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I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
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He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize