just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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