the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He has the fingertips of a God
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