I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
