i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You smell like stripper and shame
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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