I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
