happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
