my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
what day is it and did you see me today?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
