the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
