I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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