in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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