Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
